bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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