Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
