I skipped work to stalk him.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
