So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
