Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
