there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
