I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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