On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
