That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
