you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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