WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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