what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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