True but thats because hes a fetus.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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