Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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