I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
