btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
