Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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