Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
