Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
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