imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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