she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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