Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Pants are for mortals
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
