i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
