He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
