he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
