Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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