some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
