I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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