I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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