He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
