My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
