If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
