The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
