I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
