I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
