dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
