yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
