i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
