Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
