He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
