Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
