woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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