So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
