put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
