If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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