first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
