you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
