I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
