Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
