i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
